Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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