im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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