THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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