I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I supernannyed him into submission
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
