When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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