dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
