It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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