So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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