Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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