Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
