Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize