I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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