should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
