Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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