Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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