I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
