And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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