And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
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I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
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You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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