dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
