So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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