Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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