Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
