big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
