i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize
