this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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