I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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