is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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