I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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