i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
