please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
