I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
