Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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