i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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