I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
