I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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