Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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