there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
