So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
