I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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