Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
