You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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