I CAN MOONWALK!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
