its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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