Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
