A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't deserve a penis
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
