so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
