Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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