I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
