Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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