you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
