i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
