Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
