His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
COCAINE IS GR8
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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