Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
