If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
