as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
