I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Come share oat with me in your robe
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
