What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
