I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
birth control should be required to get into college
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
