i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
