You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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