It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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