Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
