You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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