I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
