ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
