I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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