So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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