Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
