I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
