If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
