Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
